When the newness of motherhood fades….

Just recently while my kids were playing in the backyard and I was watching them through the kitchen window while cooking dinner, it hit me how independent my kids are becoming and with that thought came this…. the newness of motherhood is fading.  I am no longer completely captivated by a teeny tiny being. I am no longer excited to capture every. single. moment. I'm not lost in the wonder of "who they will become" and that's because it'a all happening right here and now. Glimpses of preteen years are right around the corner.

These little people are quickly growing up.

This is it.

One day you wake up and realize their childhood is happening right now. These are not only days you will always remember but they are now old enough to remember these days as well. It quite frankly takes my breath away when I really start to process that fact. So when I look out the kitchen window and my three healthy beautiful children playing in the backyard, I am in complete awe at the little life we are living and forever grateful.

Self Portraits- Mother's Day 2014

As usual all I wanted for Mother's Day was to get in the photo and have a cute pic of me and my three kids.

With a 5, 4, and 20 month old it was a tall order and one that did not work out in the end.  I handed off the camera to my hubby and despite his many efforts we couldn't get even one shot where they are all looking and smiling.  I'm not going to lie, I was frustrated and disappointed. But eventually, shortly there after,  I did get over it and realized we can always try another time, it doesn't have to be on Mother's Day. I ended up later on looking through the photo attempts and laughing hysterically at the mishap shots. Seriously it looked like we were trying really really hard to take a BAD picture! They could not get any worse.

This week there were a few photography forums I follow that had challenges/themes involving motherhood and self portraits. Every year or so I pull out the tripod and attempt some some self portraits with the kids.

So although these don't include any with me and all three kids in one shot, I know I will look back on these and really cherish them someday. And who knew some Starburst Jellybean bribery would elicit such cute smiles?!

The Mom of a Kindergartener

My sweet Mallory Rose had her first day of Kindergarten last week. There were tears shed, by me, not her.

She happily walked down the street with her best friend, also in Kindergarten but in a different class.

She waited in line smiling and talking with her daddy and sister.

She walked away waving goodbye. And that was that. She was gone and I truly felt that this was the real first step in letting go.

Thankfully it's only half day Kindergarten but every day M-F she will be without me for 3 hours. Gone are the days of spending the mornings at the park with her, or going on fun field trips to places like The Botanic Gardens, The Children's Museum, or The Library, or just having lazy week day mornings at home watching Disney movies.

Now here we are a week into sending her off and she absolutely loves it and I can say with most certainty that I love being the mom of a Kindergartener!

 I love meeting the other parents and knowing that we are all in this together. We will likely watch all our children grow up together as they continue their school years.

I love the newness and the excitement and knowing that this is the start of something wonderful for her.

I love knowing that this is just the beginning and we still have so many years ahead of us living together as a family.  I may not be young *Ahem* but our family is young.

 I really am so excited for her. She's a lot like me in that she loves school. I remember being in kindergarten and I remember how excited I was to go to school.

There's something about knowing that your child will likely remember these moments that takes this parenting thing to a whole other level.

She will remember.

I will remember.

Together we will both remember these days and it really just doesn't get better than that!

The Last Cartwheel

I’m getting old. No, really for the first time in my life I’m truly starting to feel like I’m getting old. In the past I’ve always balked at the idea that I’m getting older. When friends would tell stories from x amount of years ago and then follow it up with statements like “Gosh we’re getting old” I simply didn’t subscribe to that way of thinking. I just never felt that way. I don’t think I was in denial- I just didn’t feel it.

That is until recently.

I see it on my face in the mirror and pictures of me. I see the infinite amount of wrinkles that seem to develop on a daily basis and don’t even get me started on my grey hairs!

I feel it in my body and my bones and muscles- and it’s not just an “I need to start working out feeling”…it’s beginning I tell ya- if “old” were some sort of disease those first symptoms have reared their ugly heads and planted seeds in my 37 year old body.

I live it in my day to day life: at times when I find myself hesitating to offer up my age, when I’m the only one in a group of people at a bar NOT carded, when I’m by far the oldest mom in the playgroup, when I think the music at a hip restaurant is way too loud.

I am indeed getting old and it’s no longer this little realization dangling in front of me- it’s right here and we have finally met. Really, I’m learning to be okay with it. I think when you actually accept that you are getting old there lies within you a world of wisdom that by golly can only come with age. There’s a certain appreciation that unfolds as we start to really contemplate our mortality. I’d like to think that as a result we live larger, we surround ourselves with good people, and we don’t sweat the small stuff. We know how fragile humanity is and we don’t know when it will be our time. When you’re younger you simply don’t think about those things.

I remember those innocent care-free childhood days. Laughing until your belly hurt, waiting for the ice cream man, playing Ghost in the Graveyard, sharing secrets at sleepovers, doing cartwheels in the front yard… I mean seriously I don’t remember the last time I did a cartwheel. I used to love doing them but I can not and will not ever remember my very last one. I wonder if I would have enjoyed it more if I knew it would be my last cartwheel. Why can’t we get some sort of warning sign, a little voice that says “psst…hey you…this is it, better really savor it because May 10, 1984 is the very last time you will ever do a cartwheel!”

There is no little voice, no warning sign given but there is the knowledge of knowing, accepting, and embracing the inevitable. And we can choose to move forward with love and grace and be our own little voice. So I may not remember the exact date of the last time I rock my daughters to sleep or read them a bedtime story but I will certainly remember that I cherished those moments as if they were my last, each and every time! And if getting old allows me to make those revelations than it’s a journey I’ll gladly take!

Here's some "getting old" self portraits....I can see my wrinkles in all their glory! 
 

Just an ordinary day

Her hair is officially 100% curly!! This seemed to happen over night. If you look at her one year pictures it's not nearly as curly as it is now at 14 months!  She's still not walking yet but cruising and crawling everywhere and she's starting to stand up on her own for a few seconds at a time.  I stopped counting how many words she has as she seems to pick up a new word daily! Some current words are Elmo, mama, da da, la (Lady), Stitchy (our cat), pa pa (my dad), bow, book, na na (Banana), uh oh, bye bye, door, flower, ball, and done.  A few times she has said Ma- mo for Mallory!  If you ask her for kisses she open her mouth and makes the smacking noise with her lips and slobbers all over you- we of course love it!!  She is the consummate little sister- wanting to do EVERYTHING Mallory does.  Mallory takes it in stride and overall is very patient with her!  She has a goofy personality, is very loud whether crying or laughing and adapts to new situations and strangers very well!  We truly can not imagine life without our Jillybean!  I feels so lucky that we were blessed with her everyday! 

Our sweet Mallory is going to be three years old next month!  She's eating in a big girl booster, drinking from a cup (no more sippy cups), dressing herself, and learning new skills everyday.  She talks non stop all day long and although it sometimes drives us crazy we wouldn't want it any other way!  She's going to be three and we are so lucky that we never went through the tantrum stage.  I don't think she's ever really had a true tantrum- nothing like what I've seen from other kids her age.  I truly think we just got lucky and it's her personality, Jilly on the other hand might give us a run for our money!  Although, I've heard 3's are worse than 2's so who knows what we have in store!   She just started asking why questions and wants to know everything about her upcoming day..."Where are we going today?", "Who's coming over?", "Does Daddy have to work?", "What are we having for dinner?"...the questions are endless.  She loves Annie and Mary Poppins and the show Caiou (sp?) on Sprout.  She still watches Barney but Caiou is her current favorite.  She's not overly active and is still a little cautious on the playground.  She loves puzzles and books and art projects and coloring.  Her current favorite books are No David, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.  She is such a caring, protective big sister to Jillian, they adore eachother and it's the greatest feeling to see their relationship grow!! 

They are the two greatest loves of my life and writing it down reminds me of that on just an ordinary run of the mill day!

Here some more shots- I was experimenting with post-processing in lightroom and photoshop.